Out with Littles: Finding the Sweet Spot

7,5 and almost 2 years old. That’s how old my littles are now. While managing this age group definitely comes with a certain degree of chaos, I’m finally feeling like I have a little more breathing room. Those super hands-on, everybody needs help with something right this second, I just need to go pee but I guess you ALL can come too, and now everyone - including me- is crying days, are actually becoming rare. My boys are at ages where they can be a lot more independent and they really enjoy that. They have their own interests and enough awareness and experience to actually explore on their own a great deal. And the toddler typically wants to do whatever she sees her brothers doing so she tries to follow suit. Recognizing that we have finally made it into this sweet spot, I wanted to take advantage of getting out of the house with them on my own a bit more.

Getting them out of the house on my own had always felt so intimidating. I would do it anyway, but I gotta say, I didn’t always look forward to it. There were so many things to consider: when is going to be the best time to do diaper changes, where will I do the diaper changes? Is it going to interfere with nap time? What about lunch? Should I pack food so we can eat while we’re out or just have it ready to eat when we get back? Has everyone had enough rest? How likely am I to have to manage meltdowns? Which carrier should I use? How’s my body feeling? Can I safely get to my big feeler if he runs off while having a moment? Am I up for baby wearing or is it a stroller day? I know - I’ll start with babywearing and bring the stroller. Or maybe start with the stroller and bring the carrier? How are my nerves? Am I up for nonstop baby screaming during the drive? What will we be walking into when we get back home? Is it going to be mealtime, bedtime? And so on and so forth. Some days you would rather skip the logistical planning and brain olympics and just stay home.

But as with most things, there are seasons. When you’re in a season of feeling overwhelmed because you’re exhausted and constantly having to just keep going it’s easy to put your head down and trudge through. But sometimes when you do look up, what you see can be surprising in the best way. This is how I found myself feeling after one of our outings this week. I had taken the kids to the library, by myself. I’ve done this plenty of times before and we’ve got all kinds of routines and systems that the kids know and are used to so that it gets easier and easier (more on those later). But it was something about this trip that made me pause and realize how far we’d come. As we walked up to the door when we returned home, I called out my usual “when we get in, coats, shoes and socks off, wash hands.” I opened the door and the boys did just that. Of course the little girl had already taken her shoes off in the carseat but that’s okay. As I walked with her to the kitchen sink to wash her hands, I thought about how not that long ago she was a tiny baby, in a baby carrier on my back. I would have gotten out of the car, put her in the carrier that I drove in to save time, walked around to the other side of the van to undo buckles for my boys who didn’t yet know how to do it themselves. I probably would have had to locate and put socks and shoes back on them both because they took them off in the car and threw them and I need them to walk into the house because I can’t carry three babies. We would’ve eventually made it into the house for me to remove those same socks and shoes I just put back on in the car, all while one or both of them resisted and tried to hurry up and get them to the sink to help them wash their hands before they stick them in their mouths or start eating food that I don’t even know where they got it from.

Then I thought about how easeful our time at the library felt that day. I picked a branch where the setup of the kids section allows me to be able to look up from pretty much anywhere and put eyes on my boys. They are very comfortable there and they know their way around. They are also so excited about being able to pick out books that they can read on their own that they love being able to wander. They alternated between picking out books and going back to our chosen table where they would sit and read. So I was able to chase after the toddler without worrying about them running off or not being able to see where they were. And while it still required a substantial amount of effort, it was significantly different than what I once felt was an absolutely impossible amount of work.

These under recognized milestones are so rewarding and offer me a welcomed perspective shift. For me, when things feel hard it’s tempting to fall into the trap of I just need to work harder, I just need to figure this out, I just need to do better. The funny thing about motherhood is that that is a whole joke. There is no figuring it out or out-working the intensity of it all. Sure there are things I can do to make some things easier but so much of it is just continuing to show up and riding the waves. It’s not that I need to be better or when I’m less overwhelmed, it will all come together. It’s the pairing of becoming more confident with knowing that I’m doing my best and the circumstances always evolving and changing as seasons come and go that meet to create the sweet spot. And it’s in that sweet spot that I’m able to actually breathe and enjoy being where I am right now and know that I’ve got this. It’s in that sweet spot that I’m reminded that I had it all along.